Good News

Well my MRI scan was today and the scan showed all to be clear! Yay! I walked practically straight into the MRI room, no waiting around like all the other times. The same Chinese guy, (the radiographer) was there as always, he is very kind and reassuring. Then the scan and my leg was twitching the whole time! I was terrified, but on the whole I coped much better than last time. When it was finished the radiographer told me he was very happy for me and it was all clear. I was so relieved! Just have to see Mr C on Wednesday 3rd September and then it will be over for another 3-6 months. I wonder if he thinks I should be weaned off my anti-convulsants? I quite scared about that because I really don't want to have a fit. In all the time I had known about the tumour I feared having a seizure the most, more than the actual tumour itself. Even though the tumour was incredibly scary. Oh well, we will just have to see what happens.

Calm before storm

It's my MRI scan tomorrow, and I'm feeling uncharacterically calm. However, when I actually get to the Sussex MRI centre it will probably be another story. Fingers crossed everything will be fine.

Will it come back clear

Almost a week to go until I go to have my MRI scan. I think I am coping a lot better than the last time I had one. However, I am really not looking forward to it. I know everything that will happen almost minute by minute. Going into the MRI room, laying on the bed, holding onto a panic buzzer, headphones on to blot out the noise( which it actually doesn't ), having the headcage put on, then slowly being slid into the tube, the machine. Lying there while a lot of strange noises and vibrations go on for 20 minutes. Struggling to stay still. Then being slid out for a quick injection of fluid into my arm, a dye that shows up my brain more clearly. I have to stay in the same position all the time so that they get a clear picture. If I move they may have to start again.
Anyway that is the easy part, the terrifying part is will everything come back clear again, I really, really ( infinity) hope so!

MRI appointment

I got my appointment for my next MRI scan, it's the 28th August and then my appointment to see Mr C is on the 3rd September. It is really hard going to these appointments because I get so scared that the tumour would have come back, even though the chances are low. At the moment it is difficult to believe that now that I've found relative happiness that my life won't be turned upsidedown again. You can't be happy for long. Or so I believe. I need to work on that feeling.

One of the lucky ones

When I came round from the op, my vision was impaired, my right side couldn't move properly and I couldn't speak all I could say was "um." I also couldn't swallow properly. I must have looked horrific to my husband and family as there were tubes coming out of me everywhere. However, I was really out of it in intensive care. I remember the doctors saying to me try saying more than "um" please, and asking me where I was and what a pen was and who the prime minister is. They then said that they thought that my speech, vision and movement would return as my brain was very bruised.
Then I had a seizure of some kind and I don't remember much until I was on the ward. I thought I had died and I was convinced that the nurses were taking me to the mortuary until I arrived on the ward. Seriously though I had some terrible nightmares and hallucinations I'm not even sure if they were nightmares because everything felt very real. I still don't ask about this time too much because I'm scared of knowing the truth.
Once on the ward I just kept on getting better and better. I was so determined to get my speech back and my movement. When I had food it was really hard because I felt so dizzy and sick and my right hand was so weak I kept on spilling soup everywhere, down my chin everywhere apart from my mouth. However, eventually movement in my right hand did improve and I was able to get more in my mouth than all over myself. My speech was gradually improving but it seemed to me to be extremely slow and I got so frustrated that people weren't understanding me. It wasn't as if I was slurring but I just couldn't find the words. I could say the names of objects and places but when it came to describing what I needed and wanted or everyday conversations I was stuck. I was even more frustrated when nurses tried to force on me the wrong medication when you can't speak you just feel like crying with the frustration of it all. You really do take it for granted that you can speak and do everything for that matter, when you don't have that ability it is so incredibly hard.
I had my staples taken out after about 5 days, I didn't feel a thing really, the nurses said it would hurt but it was nothing. And I had the most staples they had ever seen. Then I had a bath, I was on a hoist and a nurse had to wash me it should have been humiliating but it wasn't really because once youv'e been through as much as I had I really didn't care.
I was discharged from hospital after 8 days the 6th December. I met some very kind fellow patients in that hospital and they really did look after me in there. Many people go into that hospital and never come out or if they do come out they will never be the same again. But I was one of the lucky ones.