The Op

The week leading up to my operation I was frightened to death. I had two fits prior to the op, probably brought on by sheer fear. I just stayed on the sofa for the last week and just hoped I wouldn't have another seizure. I know that sounds incredibly weak and cowardly and selfish but that's how I coped with it all or didn't cope. I was terrified that Kerry would not see her mummy again, how would she survive without a mummy? Not being able to hug and kiss and love my little girl ever again made me so incredibly sad.
Anyway, to the day of my op now and it was all so weird. I waved goodbye to my mum and dad and to Kerry who she being looked after by and drove off with my husband Andrew. We arrived at Hurstwood Park at 2 o'clock. And sat around for a couple of hours whilst they got me organised a room. I had one final MRI and CT scan for usage in my surgery the next morning. I then saw a nice man, a Registrar who took me into a side room and described to me the risks of surgery and then I signed my life away. That evening I found that although I had ordered some food I had no appetite and could not eat a thing. I then said goodbye to Andrew and he was gone. I was alone, it was just me now against the world. I was determined from that point on that I was just going to get on with it.
I took a couple of sleeping pills or whatever they were I really didn't care and went to bed. I got up early the next day and peeped through the curtains the sun was rising and I felt calm. Whatever will be will be I thought. However, when they came for me at 9 am I felt shit this is really happening, too late to escape now! I held onto Andrew and Kerry's photo taken on the Carousel on Brighton's Palace Pier nicer days I thought than what was happening to me now, how can anything be more scarier than Brain surgery. They gave me a shot of something and I was immediately gone into a world of nothingness.